Monday, May 17, 2010

super women dNa

The other day I woke up to the best voice in the world, my husbands. He lost service quite a few times but we got to talk for a while and it was really nice. The best part Cambria had woken up and after staring at the phone while Ben talked to her she started "talking" back. I think he might of started crying I know I almost did. It was so awesome though Ive recorded her sounds like a mad women so he would be able to hear them when he gets back and for fathers day I even sent him one of those hallmark cards that you can record your own message. Well I used the video I have of Cambria growling lol it didn't sound so great but I know he'll love it.

I had to babysit for my friend[where I don't have cell service] that day, after I spoke to Ben and I was so on cloud 9 all day nothing could bring me down. I decided to go into town and get Ben the few items he asked for[socks,razor..etc] so when I got back like within 5 minutes the house phone rang. Wyatt[6 year old] answered with hello?, then uhm yeah who's this?[in a protective 6 year old boy voice lol] then he starts walking to me and says its Ben?. I instantly got butterflies but was so confused cause I did not expect to hear from him until he was state side.

So it was Ben AGAIN. we got to talk for nearly an hour it was awesome. We pretty got our future pretty well planned out. Decided we will talk about another baby in about 2 years, but wont try until he picks up the next rank maybe our first smart decision lol. Were going to switch to air traffic controller and then maybe in four years go back[SF was his very first duty station] to security forces if he wants to stay in, if not air traffic controllers make a pretty descent income so we also have something to fall back on. It was so nice just to be able to talk to him though. I love that we are the bestest of friends and flick each other shit about anything makes our conversations fun.

I also received 4 letters from him that day as well and they made me realize how lucky I am. He knows I've been stressing about my body after having Cambria and he wrote me a whole letter just reminding me it took 10 months for me to get it on its going to take me longer then 7 months to get it off and not to be so hard on myself cause I'm doing an amazing job. But also that he loves me no matter what and loves every part of me no matter what. He told me how proud of me he was for taking care of him and our baby as well as our bills and moving. He just went on to say how thankful he is for me and how much he loves me, it really felt so good to read everything.

I think we as wives especially military wives need to remember how hard our job is even if it doesnt require a W-2 form. I'm sure that I am not the only one that often feels I dont do enough especially compared to all that Ben does. But in realty I do, otherwise I KNOW Ben would tell me to get off my ass and do something. Being a house wife is not easy and on top of it we never know what time diner should be done. I remember one morning I decided to go crazy and clean the entire house walls everything and about 30 minutes in all of a sudden Ben was home/off work and had things WE needed to do, not such a big deal but in the civilian world that doesn't happen often. Our men's schedules are never concrete not even close which makes our schedules ridiculous. But we do it some how, I believe God really did make us all soul mates and the spouses of a military member have a little super women in them other wise there is no way to explain it.

Mrs. B-Dub

Thursday, May 13, 2010

1 year down a lifetime to go.

Today being Ben and I's one year wedding anniversary I thought I would just tell "our story". So here I go...

It all started February 28th 2008, the day we met. I lived with an ex friend and had gotten off of work early so I gave her a call and she told me to come by her husbands cousins house because they were having a party. So I did, as I pulled into the driveway there was this guy holding my friends 3 year old and all I could think was who's this guy? A few seconds later I was introduced to the man that would later become my husband and my first words to him other then "hi" LOL "you know your just a bullet catcher right?" My uncle was a ranger and well you can only imagine what I grew up hearing about marines, he was cool about it though just laughed and said yeah. I still remember what he was wearing lol a black shirt with a "devil dog" on the back which is odd because the only time he wears anything military is when he's at work, blue AE jeans, and black adidas tennishoes.
We pretty much just kept staring at each other the first half of the night, I thought he was SOOO hot. And he had these blue eyes I couldn't not be mesmerized by. At the time I still smoked so I told my friend to go out side with me so I could smoke because I didn't want him to know. About 2 minutes outside out came Ben, and to my surprise he asked what kind of cigarette I was smoking I told him Marlboro menthol smooth. His reply" oh camel frosts are better, but can I have some.". I remember thinking OMG he's amazing. For some reason we started talking about car's and ended up standing outside just talking to each other for hours.
The next day he friend requested me on myspace, and after emailling we decided we should go out on a date. We went to the family fun center more for my friends three year old then us but I also thought if he cant have fun there, we totally can not be friends. Again to much of my surprise it was a blast!! after wards he came back to our house where we continued to hang out and then he had to leave. He was actually on pre-deployment leave which I didn't know, I walked him out to his car and we hugged.. that was it. As soon as he left we started texting and at 1:53 am March 1st 2008 he asked me to be his girlfriend in a total 1st grade way lol theres more to that story but it would make this book a novel.
So he left but called at each airport and then when he landed in Raleigh NC he called and mentioned how his passenger seat was empty and that was so not cool. We continued talking literally 24/7 probably slept two hours a night that whole week. The next week he told me to check my email when I got home and when I did, there was my flight itinerary. We had been talking about how awesome it would be if I came there to send him off and be able to spend more time together and there it was, it was going to happen. I arrived in Raleigh NC airport March 6th, I was scared shitless I just left Oregon with out telling anyone. Just left on a complete whim and a very strong urge to be with this man I had known for barely 8 days. I was 19 years old and 4000 miles away from anything I knew.
When he got to the airport to pick me up my heart was beating so fast and I had no idea what to do. Do I hug him, do I kiss him, what if he wants to kiss and I go in for a hug or I go in for a kiss and he hugs and then he'll think Im a freak. Luckily we both went in for a kiss and it was totally like the kisses you see in movies where the guy lifts the girl up and swings her around. And that was the beginning of my forever. Every night we stayed up just talking about everything, life, experiences, relationships, everything we both put it ALL out there. It was amazing how much we had in common, it was amazing how amazingly we just clicked together.
Then came the day, he had to leave March 17th, we stayed up the night before watching Dane Cook a vicious circle[forever our movie]. At 6:05 am that morning I said I love you and see you later to the man I had completely fallen in love with in only 19 days of knowing him. I thought I was crazy, making the decision to stay with this man during a 7-9 month deployment. I had no idea what to expect I know I was often worried of his safety during our first deployment but it was very surreal to me.
I wont lie our first deployment was TERRIBLE started off great then about a quarter in the person who introduced us, the person I thought was my best friend took it upon herself as a life goal to break us up. She told his whole family ridiculous lies about me, told me he had been calling and writing her about how disgusted he was with me and didn't want to be with me. Which turned into a ridiculous amount of drama as anything always does with her but that's a different story. On July 2nd my grandpa passed away from cancer. The doctor had given him 2 weeks and I immediately got on the first plane to Oregon, But he passed away the night before I arrived. I took it VERY hard as I lived with my grandparents most of my life and he was the person I was closest to. And that was when shit hit the fan. To make a longer story shorter his little sister told me that it had been almost a month and I should be over my grandpas death by now.
A lot more drama ended up happening and we ended up breaking up 2 months before he got home. We had both gotten tired of hearing that neither of us wanted to be with the other any longer. Funny thing neither of us ever said anything like that which we found out later. We still spoke though, I still wrote but I eventually got a "friend/short fling" which was my right to do as a single 19 year old female. Ben returned from Afghanistan late October 20th 2008. I was at the homecoming unsure of what to expect I had my buddy come with me so he could check out marines[he's bi] and be my rock just in case. Seeing Ben walk towards me after 8 months of separation made me even more scared because of all I didn't know of what to expect, the feelings that instantly rushed back was the last thing I expected to happen. As he drove me back to my house in Virgina Beach I cried the entire 4 hours, I bawled. I knew I'd fucked up, I knew he hated me, and was only driving me back out of the kindness of his heart but really would rather kick me out and make me walk.
At some point during the drive I mustered up the courage to ask him one question Id been dreading for a few months. I had to know if it was real, if what we had was real or if it was just a game. He reassured me that yes, it was very real which made me cry even harder. When we arrived at my apartment we ended up standing/sitting in the parking lot for nearly 6 hours. We laughed, we cried, we yelled, and after literally discussing everything that had happened we came to the realization that neither of us ever wanted to break up. We then decided to drive back to Jacksonville another 4 hours, a lot more conversation and the closer we got.
We decided to get back together that day, I went back to Virginia beach to work we originally planned for me to stay there until January and we'd both save money and grow as a couple visiting when ever we could. Well that lasted a week, he came and got me we went back to Oregon to see family and have just fallen even more in love everyday since.

He officially asked me to marry him in January something we had been discussing during the whole deployment even planned on getting married march 1st 2009. So we discussed it again but decided we wanted to take our time and plan our wedding for a couple years later. Then April 22nd we found out we were pregnant big shocker to the both of us. Ben was originally suppose to deploy august 2009 so after talking about it and realizing the only way he could be there for any part of the pregnancy with out having to pay every bill, was if we got married. I'm half Indian[native american] and my tribe for some reason will only cover you medically, in Oregon more specifically Coos county. So we got hitched! May 13th at 11:14 at night we went to the court house with our closest friends and said our 'I do's'. We still plan to have our "wedding" in a couple years but now that we have Cambria we aren't in any hurry.
So there it is my own little fucked up fairytale.

Mrs. B-Dub

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

someday when all your bridges have been burned, then who will you turn to?

I recently like 10 minutes ago came across a blog of someone I know of but not personally. This person was "friends" with the same person I thought/claimed to also be my "best friend" for 5 years. Last year I finally got tired of all her drama and lies I decided after much push from my husband lol to completely delete her out of my life, I had already quit talking to her and decided facebook and myspace were our only ties and they must be cut but much to my surprise when I logged on to both she had already deleted me. That was a year ago, and sense my life has had A LOT less drama well besides her telling his family and anyone else that will listen that Ive cheated and am cheating on my husband. And really her list goes on but sense I just feel better no longer associating myself with such filth I mean this person moved to my town sophomore year 15 weeks pregnant and told everyone she had been raped and decided to keep the baby [later found out TOTAL lie] she claimed to be an amazing cheerleader[even cheered with the Dallas cowboys cheerleaders] an amazing dancer performed in many "bowls".

It took me about a year to realize there was absolutely NOTHING of these accomplishments as well as none of her family ever discussed any of it. I though it to be odd considering my parents would never shut up about my tiny track accomplishment from back in 6th grade. Any way, the part that really affected me, my grandpa passed away suddenly from stage 4 cancer July 2nd 2008 not even a year after this girl told me she had cervical cancer and it was serious. She also claimed she was going to become a officer in the airforce, funny thing 1st off you can not enlist at all in any military branch with more then 2 children[she has 3], you can not enlist in any military branch with a serious past illness[such as cancer which she claimed to be treated at the naval hospital for], and her third strike, to become an officer of any military branch you must first graduate from an ACCREDITED UNIVERSITY [phoenix online does NOT qualify]. So it became VERY obvious to me that she had 1. either lied about ever having cancer or 2. was/is a complete fucktard that has no idea what shes talking about. I believe both are true.

So back to my point this persons blog I came across apparently recently realized how much of a liar and fake our "mutual friend" is. And I'm actually glad for her one of the main reasons I decided to be done with that person was realizing how badly she talked about her friend but then seeing them talk on myspace as if they were the bestest of friends. I thought wow if she talks about her like this to mev I wonder what she says to her about me? And I just dont think anyone deserves the way our "mutual friend" treats people.

and now to YOU:
I will not be a fake christian and claim to pray for you I think you "pray" enough for all of us lol, I will not down grade you so as to call you a "poor excuse for a mother and wife". I know you are F*CKING PHSYCO and refuse to have anything to do with you, as I'm sure your STILL stalking me over a year later. I do thank you however for introducing Ben and I, you can be upset knowing we are doing great we have a beautiful baby girl and are more then happy to NOT have you in our lives. Im pretty confused as to why you would friend request my husband especially considering he out of everyone in this world HATES you more then words could explain. Im sure you'll claim that he's calling/writing you this deployment too though lol and he doesn't want to be with me and BLAH BLAH BLAH. your pathetic you need to grow up and stop worrying about other peoples lifes/marriages and maybe yours wouldn't suck so bad.

the end.
Mrs. B-Dub

Friday, May 7, 2010

Fuck it.

So I made my blog private yesterday after realizing there are truly pathetic people out there that have nothing better to do then stalk your life lol. A friend showed me that I was accused in an open forum of which I wasn't even involved for cheating on my husband with 6 guys lol. And the funniest part the person who said it has yet to be faithful to a single boyfriend, she even had an affair with a man over twice her age when we were juniors in highschool breaking up his marriage. So anyway I was a little pissed cause it never happened and well 6 guys is A LOT like almost my whole list and I for sure was not a virgin when Ben and I got together. Anyway I decided today that if those pathetic wastes of flesh want to stalk my life and be complete fucktards they can have fun. Aparently I'm that important that they can't handle me kicking them out of my life cause I perfer not to be associated with trash. The end you will no longer waste any more time in my life.

So I'm in Sacramento pretty fun, lots of asians!!!! I saw a street called "manlove" and for the first time saw a group of mexicans huddled outside of a home depot LMAO! I've enjoyed cheesecake from the cheescake factory for the first time but I think mines better, still it was num. Tomorrow will be my first visit to San fransisco, going to the stickin rose andlovin me some garlic! And Sunday it's back to home. I like the vacation and spending time with Jamie and Velma but I think this city is way to much for me.

Ohh Ben called last Monday!! :) I love him and feel so blessed that we have such an amazing relationship. then I got two letters from him Tuesday in one was his most likely return date and a 5 year plan.. Aparently I'm having another baby lol. So basically Im working my ass off to get skinny hot to get all big again but I think in a couple years we will be ready for another one. However for now little miss Cambria has EVERYONE wrapped around her little fingers so tight another baby isn't even a thought.

So for now I'm just livin life and loving it! Hoping to sign up for the run for warriors marathon with my fellow wives! And still looking for a house but I have a fall back so it's no biggy can't wait to see my ladies in nc though and meet all the new babies.