Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Honey I'm home.


Whoa its been awhile sense Ive been on here. Well since my last post things have been pretty good actually. Ben re-enlisted, We got a house, trucks being shipped, Oh and Cambria and myself made it to NC Yesterday morning. I was amazed how well she did being 5 months old and flying, she did amazingly well! Slept the entire time, me however well I'm one of those people who can't sleep sitting up so I got maybe 3 hours of sleep all Sunday night.

Ive been slowing down a lot lately to appreciate things, instead of constantly going. While doing this Ive become even more amazed at how big and smart my baby girl is getting. It's crazy to me that I grew her in my belly. Our little alien baby turned into a beautiful baby girl. She's become very independent[for a baby] and playful. I'm proud that I didn't smother my child causing them to be completely dependent on me, nor have I neglected her in ANY way. She can play with her toys all by herself, she loves riding in the car and shes really just an amazing little girl. Ive also realized you will never realize how judgmental others are as well as who your true friends are until you have a child.

I often "blog" in my head its slightly ridiculous actually because it happens so often.
I get frustrated/annoyed very easily something I'm trying to work on. My most recent annoyance are people who frequently put there sorrows out there hoping to get attention for them. We all have had "shitty" lives shit happens its life but I feel somethings shouldn't be discussed on sites such as face book..well not so much they shouldn't be discussed but more that they shouldn't constantly be brought up as a "poor me". When I see these things I personally don't think 'Oh how sad' but more 'seriously? this is getting more annoying then sad'. I kind of feel bad for thinking that but you can't control your thoughts, just your mouth/fingers.

I was thinking today after reading something that influenced this rant. something negative will only effect you for as long you let it. the "grieving" process I put quotes because I'm referring to the stages in which you grieve not really referring to a death. Anyway the process will take a while depending on your situation/personal strength, but also the length of time you allow it to effect you. I think of when my grandpa passed away, My biggest issue with his death is I never got to say good bye. Its been two years June 2nd and I still have yet to accept that he's not here. I know he isn't here but I can't accept that he's dead. I rarely speak of his death without starting to cry, but I don't obsess with it. I guess I just don't understand why people use negative things in there lives for attention. Typically things such as finances, relationship issues, a miscarriage, self conscious feelings, sex,etc ...are kept private and not discussed openly unless with your closest friends. I guess I will never understand.
Mrs. B-Dub

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