Saturday, June 5, 2010

pay it forward

I find myself stopping to take a breath quite frequently lately. Taking time to stop and smell the flowers you might say, although there aren't many flowers here just bath and body works. Every morning I feel even more blessed to wake up to the cutest little smile in the world, sometimes even a growl. With a little more then a month until my husband will be returning I cant help but feel overly excited but I also feel sad knowing of those that wont be returning with him.

I feel the last year has been my "growing year" I come to many realizations and have been making small, medium, and large changes in my life. I realized you will never know how judgmental people are or who your true friends are until you have a child. The "girls" in high school will never grow up, they will forever continue talking badly about everyone but themselves, they may do something with there lives but there personal growth will always stay at a low. The ones you surround yourself with will define you so choose to surround yourself with positive people that inspire you. And your life will only be as positive as you allow it to be, so stop blaming everyone else for your shitty attitude and realize there's no need to be negative all the time.

Those as well as a few more are things I'm trying to live my life by. Although I have great inspiration to become a more positive and better person I know this kind of change doesn't happen over night. I feel Ive always been a pretty negative person and I wouldn't say drama queen but I would often look for drama as entertainment I guess. But over the past year I feel I have very little to be negative about, Yes my body may not have taken to pregnancy as well as I had hoped but the majority of women could and would say the same thing.

I'm trying more and more to not let others opinions about me affect my day. But I am only human and I don't care who you are or how much you say you don't care what others think, words will still hurt you. Every female has there own insecurities majority don't think they are pretty or skinny enough. I feel for another female to put you down with such an insult is very wrong. I wont sit here and claim I don't or haven't done such a thing, I'm not perfect in fact I'm FAR from it. Ive always had a weight issue, Ive really never felt attractive causing me to have a history of depression. Maybe two stupid reasons but for some those two reasons control there lives.

I imagine some will read this and then continue to joke about my past and how pathetic I am. All I can say is think, think back to your past and that one moment where you didn't want to go to school that day, maybe didn't even want to wake up. These aren't joking matters or reasons to tease someone. You don't know what goes on in that persons life and you really never know that one insult could drive someone to take there own life, again NOT a joking matter. Since the recent news of those teenagers who took there own lives due to bullying I guess Ive really been affected. I never had "buck teeth" I was never obese I didn't grow up in a trailer park but my life wasn't easy by any means. Kids these days are cruel, they use anything to put others down. But along with that YOU are often your own worst enemy.

Ive made a point to smile more often, maybe even greet people I encounter, hoping maybe a simple smile from a complete stranger may brighten there day. Possibly putting a smile on there face and a greeting to another, basically the whole "pay it forward" concept. I know I have had my day turn around just by having a gas station attendant asking me to thank my husband for him. Simple gesture but it brought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes actually a lot of tears as I was having a very post pregnancy hormonal day. Just an example but I truly feel the tiniest of gestures can and will make the largest of differences all for the positive. I guess I will stop here I hope I inspire someone as well as others have inspired me to be more positive, maybe even eventually putting a stop to bullying.

Mrs. B-Dub

1 comment:

  1. You are so right! And make sure that you do always greet people even when you are in a bad mood them smiling back will cheer you up =) you have grown sooo much & i am sooo proud of you! i love you girl!