When you become a mother or even pregnant everything changes. For me it opened my eyes not right away but eventually, I made it my own personal quest to become a better person, a better me. We all have our pasts, some worse then others. I know mine is far from perfect I have had my share of "fun" but your past does not have to dictate who you become in your future.
The day I took the three pregnancy tests that all came back positive I freaked, I didn't believe it. I guess you could say I was naive we weren't doing anything at all to stop it but I guess I figured if it were going to happen it would've long before then. Although I did not truly believe I was pregnant I did quit smoking that very day I had one last cigarette to calm me down because I was seriously freaking out and Ben was freaking out far worse then I which didn't make matters any easier. But that was my last cigarette, I did not drink, I did not go horse back riding. I tried to be the best most healthy incubator I could, even though my extreme case of morning sickness did not always allow healthy eating. Anyway I was on a mission to be the best mommy I could be, and still am.
Now on to my title, a not so positive side of becoming a mother, never ending judgment. You will never know a true person until you become pregnant, your friends fade, the advice never ends, but mostly the judgment never ends. Its come to my attention that certain female inspiration(s) in my husbands family feel the need to judge me as a parent. I was very taken back when I discovered this as these judgments were made just months after MY daughter was born, months after MY husband left to go fight a war he very easily could not have come back from. These judgments were made by someone who has yet to even ask how my daughter is for ohh the past 5 months of her life and the part that really gets to me, they were made to my husband while he was gone. For the record NO Ben has never doubted my capabilities as a parent. Now If I had been off drinking and neglecting my daughter and my duty as a parent I would understand someone involved in myself and my daughters life passing judgment however that never happened. When Ben left something changed like a switch in me I could not let our baby girl down, I could not let him down. I had to be an upstanding citizen so to speak I ditched a lot of friends I'd had for years that I felt would only delay my quest. I started hanging out with older women like 20's-30's, mostly mothers that were also married. I started working out daily sometimes twice a day and I did everything in my power to make sure my baby girl always had a smile on her face.
In my own opinion I am a damn good mother and a very good influence on my daughter. If we were all judged for our pasts God would not allow reproduction. I feel that my past has nothing to do with my parenting abilities or how much of a positive influence I am or will be. The way I see it, Ive done things but I am not ashamed, Ive learned from every choice Ive made right or wrong. And because of that I actually feel I will be a better parent, I will be able to talk to my children about what I've done and where it got me, how it affected me, and my future. I can explain to them where I realized the path I was heading in wasn't where I wanted to end up, and why and how I changed to end up where I am today.
I feel I at least can teach my children respect, and that just because you never got drunk in high school doesn't mean your a good kid. And here is my judgment I hope to never be a parent like this person, I am and will strive to continue to be better then this person. I will have enough respect for my children to want them to be happy no matter what. And in the case my child decides to join the military and end up deployed I will NEVER bother them with what ever petty bullshit I decide to pull out of my ass and intentionally start drama in their lives because I am a good person and great mom. I have been fortunate enough to have been raised by a group of amazing people with values that I will also pass onto my children with or without your consent. Another right I have as a parent.