Sunday, September 26, 2010

Day 6. A stranger.

Dear man that pumped my gas at Fred Meyer,
Thank you for your kind words, at the time I was having a terrible day/week/month. My husband was deployed to Afghanistan, I was dealing with being a "single" parent and just hoping I was good enough for her. Mean while people were making my life very difficult and to this day I don't know why they said and did the things they have. Anyway I was only getting gas, I asked you to "fill it with regular, please." and gave you my debit card and my Fred Meyer card. I noticed you had a limp and thought nothing of it, now I wonder if you are a veteran and if I should have thanked you myself but at the time I just had a million things going on in my head. When you were done sliding my cards you walked back over to give them back to me and said "here you go Ma'am, and next time you talk to your husband thank him for me.". I knew you'd seen the sticker I put on the back window with the EGA and the words "my husband defends our freedom" around it and maybe seen the North Carolina plates and put two and two together and assumed my husband was deployed. I immediately started bawling which you probably noticed and said "thank you, I will."
I want you to know even though you made me cry you made me remember why I was doing what I was, why my job is so important. Why I had to put up with all the bull shit and be the strongest person I possibly could. I want to thank you for that, these days its rare for civilians to take three seconds and say "thank you" to service members but it happens and it means the world especially to us as wives.
To know that what our husbands are doing isn't in vain and is appreciated even if only by a few. Its those few that make it worth it.

sincerely, frequent Fred Meyer shopper.

Mrs. B-Dub

Day 5. my dreams.

I missed out on writing for yesterday so today I will have to write two however I have no idea on where to begin on this one so I'm pretty sure I will just be rambling.

I cant really write a letter to me dreams because I don't have a specific dream. I have always loved cooking/baking, how many three year old children do you know that can make pancakes and shaped like cartoon characters??? Yeah this kid did. I have always wanted to go culinary school just to learn anything and everything I possibly could.

When I was twelve I began to have an interest in journalism, so another dream was to someday write an article in a well known magazine. At fifteen I realized an interest in hair and I hope to eventually go to beautician school and become licensed. I plan to start school in a year and at this point plan to major in business with a minor in accounting.

Someday I would like to visit Greece and learn more about mythology. I would like to go to Germany and Ireland to better know my history. I want to retire in Colorado and run a small farm.

I do plan on fulfilling all my dreams being why I don't consider them dreams but goals. Until then I'm doing what ever I can to enjoy each day that is given to me and love my family.

Mrs. B-Dub

Friday, September 24, 2010

Day 4. sibling or closest relative.

Dear Uncle Scott,
You have always been more of a brother to me, and I have always been more of a little sister to you being why you call me sissy. The majority of my childhood you were by far my favorite person, I have always looked up to you both literally and figuratively. You haven't always been there physically but I take comfort in knowing that no matter what you would do anything in your power to help me if need be. I believe when you grow up and learn the true meaning of trust, you realize there will only be a handful of people in your life that you can truly trust. I know that you will never leave my handful. You are an amazing man and you have a beautiful family. I hope someday we end up close to each other and can spend summers wake boarding at your summer house and more winters at Crystal watching me fall down the mountain while I badly attempt snowboarding.
love, Dork
Mrs. B-Dub

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Day3. the parental units.

Dear Mom,
First I want to say thank you, our relationship hasn't always been peachy but I do think we have an amazing relationship that I am more then thankful for! You have taught me so much in life that I hope to teach to Cambria. You are an AMAZING grandma, something I am so grateful for and you know why. Now that I m an adult I find I understand why you did the things you did, why you said the things you said. The lessons, the reasons why you grounded me all make sense now. I never thought you were a bad parent, I might have strongly disliked you a time or two but if you and dad have taught me anything over the years its this, its not important that they always like you however it is important that they respect you. Well I respect you mom possibly more then you know I love you as much as the north bend bridge.
love always, your sunshine.

Dear Dad,
From the moment you started dating my mom there was something different about you to me. You understood that with the women came the child and you made sure when you went somewhere with that women, me, the child came with. Thank you for not acting as if I never existed, thank you for being a man. You are one of the few men that prove DNA does not make a man a father, thank you for that as well. You took on a responsibility that wasn't yours to begin with but you took it on and if I may say so myself you did a damn good job! You helped my mom become a better person and a better parent and because of that I had amazing parents. I do credit a lot of my life to you, I credit a lot of my strengths to you. I love you daddy and no matter what I'll always be your little girl.
love always, Jordy

Mrs. B-Dub

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

day 2. My crush

well if I were to write to my current crush(s) I highly doubt Gerard Butler or John Mayer or any of you are going to care, So instead I will write to my first crush not that anyone will care anyway.
Dear Garrett Caldwell,
Oh kindergarten was so fun, You were so cute blonde hair blue eye (kinda sounds like Ben lol). I had the biggest crush on you if Id known how to write your name back then and had a folder it would've been covered with I ♥ Garrett's. I remember when you gave me a piece of gum I just knew it was meant to be. Until you kissed Holly S. lets just say I was quite angry and that might have had something to do with breaking her wrist later on that day, that and she tried to push me out of line after P.E.
Anyway we became good friends and I'm glad. When I switched schools I was very sad and even more so when we eventually moved cause I could no longer see you at church. I was very happy to see you years later at the county fair and had a great time with you and my brother. I don't think about you that often these days but when I do, I wonder how you are and hope you are living a great life.
Mrs. B-Dub

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Day 1. my best friend.

Well now if the word "friend" isn't a toughy on its own put best in front of it and now I have to dig.

When I think of the person defining my "best friend" I don't think who's my favorite friend but who is really the best and defining the word friend. Now I am not going to put my mom or Ben here even though I would consider them my two bestest friends. Im actually going to put the person who over the years has always been there for me no questions asked. Shes listened to me vent and helped me more then she will ever know.

Dear Jamie,
I remember the first time I walked into your moms then small tanning shop I was 16 and wanted to well, tan. She told me I needed to get my parents signature and wouldn't let me take the card to them to sign since my aunt had driven me, I was so pissed I thought she was so rude.
I told my mom and we went in the next day. Mom and Joann started talking and well our families have been very close ever since. I remember meeting you only a hand full of times before I started babysitting for you. As I got to know you more and more I began to look up to you. You knew you had flaws, even though your probably the only person that can see them well other then Doctor Linda lol. But the way you carry yourself I truly admire it. Your an amazing mother and and amazing wife.
Your amazingly beautiful inside and out, Ive never had more fun with anyone then with you. In the months after I had Cambria and Ben was gone I really don't think I would've made it through with out you. Even though we may not talk every day and we haven't been friends for decades I do consider you to be my "best friend". I feel very lucky to have you and your family in my life, and look forward to the years ahead.

Mrs. B-Dub

30 letters/30 days.

So a friend of mine was told about this and I just had to do when I checked it out!! Everyday for 30 days (lets hope anyway) I will be posing a letter to someone that influenced my life in some way. Each day is already given task and hopefully Cambria allows me to finish it :) I am going to be as honest as I can and hopefully it is as fun and enlightening as I think it will be.

Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 - Your Crush
Day 3 - Your Parents
Day 4 - Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 - Your Dreams
Day 6 - A Stranger
Day 7 - Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 - Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 - Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 - Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like
Day 11 - A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 - The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 -Someone you wish you could forgive
Day 14 - Someone you've drifted away from
Day 15 - The person you miss the most
Day 16 - Someone that's not in your state/country
Day 17 - Someone from your childhood
Day 18 - The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 - Someone that pesters your mind - good or bad
Day 20 - The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 - Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 - Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 - The last person you kissed
Day 24 - The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 - The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 - The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 - The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 - Someone that changed your life
Day 29 - The person that you want to tell everything to, but are too afraid to
Day 30 - Your reflection.

Mrs. B-Dub

Monday, September 20, 2010

its okay to take a break.

Oh it has been forever, and sadly I don't have so many exciting tails.
I think I haven't been posting not because I haven't had time but after seeing all these people putting their marital issues all over the internet I just thought that was tacky. But the reality is we all have marital issues, and this is my blog.
if you say you don't then well your lying and probably have more problems then the rest of us.

Ive seen a few people that post there daily life and one day its "OMG hes so amazing he did this and this and yadayada" the next day " well we got into a fight again and I kicked him out again, I just cant believe he did it again ugh I hate him." next day" so today he came home with a red rose and apologized and swore he will never do it again I love him SO much......" that is exactly who I don't want to be.
Thank you mom and dad for teaching me to not be an idiot when it comes to shit bags for men. Also thank you Ben for not being a shit bag.
Anyway while I don't think your every issue needs to be broadcast, I think for anyone to act as if their life is perfect is possibly even more annoying.

I believe we all have struggles, mine lately has been getting back into the "wife" groove.
Since Ben got home I've been so worried to expect to much from him and to keep reminding myself, it took me 7 months to become the parent I am ease him in and he will get it. But the reality is I never got eased into it, no one was there to show me I had to because I was all she had. Ive had a hard time realizing I'm not a single mom and it's okay to ask if he can watch her while I go to the store and get some groceries. More so asking him to do that, is NOT putting to much pressure on him. He is her father, and my husband that's his job when he's not at work.

I had been stressing myself out for so long worrying about over loading him with these duties, that I wasn't letting him do anything. Mean while doing everything by myself and becoming angry about him not doing anything. I felt it was expected of me to have the house cleaned, meals made, laundry done and take care of our daughter 24/7 with no help from him other then financially. I think any women would get very frustrated with that. Well after discussing it the other day he pointed this all out to me, and I kind of felt stupid. I was so angry with him for feeling as if he deserved a break, especially before me. After everything was said and done I was on my was to the commissary to get some groceries by myself for the very first time in way to long. And the next morning we went with he and his friend to the beach while they surfed.
Now only if we could reach an agreement on his video games.

Mrs. B-Dub